UNITED STATES—It is no secret that I have trouble sleeping at night despite me doing everything in my power to try to make things better. I work too much, I do too much, I’m always busy to some degree, I don’t drink caffeine, and if I’m lucky to get four solid hours of sleep I can function, but it’s still difficult as hell to do.
Whenever I close my eyes, I just hope I could get a solid six to seven hours of sleep. The problem is I can fall asleep, but I can never stay asleep and that is the issue that I’m trying to figure out why? Is the brain just so wired, that no matter what, I cannot turn off the switch, even though I try? Am I overly anxious to the degree that the tossing and turning prevents the quality sleep.
From my documentation, I’ve discovered two things: 1) I can fall sleep 2) I have trouble staying asleep. The latter is the bigger issue because when I’m in REM sleep that is the best form of sleep. It feels like I get that for about two maybe three hours at best. How would I know? I tend to awake in the middle of the night, and I know what time that transpires to say the least because I’m always checking my watch or phone when I wake up.
It seems to be the notion that the smallest sounds can disturb my sleep. A car coming down the street, a strange sound in the house, a glimmer of light shining through the window. I never considered myself to be a light sleeper, but the more I think about it, the smallest things can disrupt my sleep and I think I have ignored it for years despite knowing it to be true.
Maybe it is the result of me having a sleep schedule that is all over the place. For years I was getting up at a quarter to five in the morning for work. So, the day would start at five and wouldn’t be over until 5:30 or 6 p.m. That gives one less than a few hours of down time before you have to do it all over again. Not to mention, in high school I started working and with extracurricular activities the day began at 6 a.m. and it wasn’t over till 11 p.m. or midnight at best. Now imagine doing that all of your junior and senior year of high school, then continuing that into college and then still doing it right after you complete college.
Then you head to college you adapt to not having a distinct set schedule for classes, but I was working still. So my social schedule wasn’t the greatest because between classes, work, and schoolwork, there is very little time left to do much of anything else. I think I just have to sit still and just decompress. Try for once not to sit without any thoughts, without any worries and just allow myself to feel as light as a butterfly.
I’ve really learned as an adult when I’m sleepy, not to fight it. That was something I used to resist, but not anymore. If I just let my body shut down when it wants to shut down, I sleep slightly better, but that doesn’t always happen. If I’m up past midnight, it’s a done deal, I’m not sleeping that night and the tossing and turning is unrelenting.
Could the pillows I sleep on be a problem? Could it be the mattress, could it be the sounds, could it be I’m too cold or too hot on some nights compared to others. I don’t know. I wish I could provide the actual answer, but America sleep is critical to our development and wellbeing. The problem is a vast majority of Americans are not sleeping and it has a massive impact on their overall mental state and wellbeing.
